Thursday, March 30, 2006

Napping in the Eye of the Hurricane

My apologies for any perceived neglect on my part. Really, I had no intention of blogslacking. But you see, between the primary job (where there's been a lot of work to do, which inhibits blogging), the second job (where I'm on my feet behind a computer-less counter, or weaving through a crowd with a bag of trifles, hence unavailable for blogging) or rehearsal (where I'm leaping about naked--sometimes, anyway--squawking, hissing and padding around the room in imitation of the cygnus buccinator, and as such am hell-and-gone from any blog-friendly environment), I just haven't been where I need to be when I need to be there to reach out to you, my friends, my other community.

So The Swan seems to be going well . . . I think. Actually, I'm pretty sure. I think. No, I'm definitely pretty sure . . . about everyone else's work. This is, of course, what every show looks like to me a week-and-a-day before opening, and I can't have sucked in ALL of those plays, or no one would cast me anymore. Right? Right?

In any case, what I fear ranges from the ludicrous (feeling too fat to pass credibly as a symbol of unbound eroticism) to the intangible (fearing that my stage listening, which felt so on a couple of days ago, but hopelessly off now; wondering if I'm finding the most useful balance between avian and human qualities) to the downright--for actors, anyway--mundane (Is this script going to be as interesting to the audience as it is to us? Am I good enough? Do I suck? Are there decent actors not doing a show right now because this bald, fat mediocrity snatched this role?).

All in all, though, the show as a whole is looking pretty good. We'll see come next Friday . . . I sorta wish this press release didn't make for such a set up. Referring to my "remarkable physical" performance is gonna make for some serious sting if or when my performance turns out to be less than remarkable. That said, the press release is lovely and should generate interest.

I've been chanting a good deal recently. There are many reasons I'm still hesitant to fully adopt Buddhism--true ambinalence about the appropriation of eastern ideas for western purposes, profound misgivings about any assertion that essence precedes existence, a fairly nihilistic position of the character of essential nature--but the mindfulness I see emerging in myself is undeniable. I think I'll need to study further to reconcile these matters, which means that I'll probably just have to keep chanting without fully accepting until such time as study of anything--martial arts, philosophy, etc.--is actually possible. More details on that as time permits.

In the meantime, forward on all matters . . .


Blogger Stine said...

mindfulness is a good thing. And whether you adopt Buddhism or not, I too, see changes in your overall aura (if you will).

Also, you know damn well you're going to be great in the role. So does everyone else. You will rock just for the mere fact that you will be up there swinging your stuff free in the breeze. I happen to know from personal experience, that you've got pretty nice stuff

1:41 PM  
Blogger JJisafool said...

I once told Beigey that my biggest problem is that I can feel a simpatico between all faiths that adherents don't necessarily, that I can see the commonality of truth and let the BS fall away, and yet can't really experience the feeling of faith. Yet, the exploration of faith is always satisfying to me (though perhaps less so for those I talk with).

The closest I come to feeling a unity with God/Universe is in the love I have for Olivia. My family wasn't big on unconditional love, Tricia has tried to help me understand it, then Miss Thang showed up and the light switch was thrown on.

Can't wait to see your stuff. I plan on writing a review on my blog that casts your penis as the focal point of the play. "Going into the second act, White's penis' performance fell flaccid, with none of the one-eyed singularity of vision and rigid control of act one."

I'm sure you'll be grand.

9:27 AM  
Blogger the beige one said...

break a leg, chief!

11:23 AM  
Blogger thelyamhound said...

Thanks, dood!

Oh, boy, I think I'm panicking a touch. I suppose that's healthy . . .

11:39 AM  
Anonymous MfstDstny said...

You stress too much. I see the classic actors error, worrying about whether you'll be 'good' or not.

It doesn't matter.

You can play it perfectly and be panned by the audience, or blow goats and they think you a genius.

Who's to know what will occur?

Stress kills performance, both artistic and elsewhere. (Although that perhaps qualifies as 'artistic' as well...or at least should.)

And life's just too damn short.

1:13 PM  
Blogger thelyamhound said...

Some of the stress is amplified for dramatic/comic effect, so the stress in question isn't of the overly lethal variety.

You can play it perfectly and be panned by the audience, or blow goats and they think you a genius.

What if I play perfectly at blowing goats?

While I don't think I'd be human if I didn't worry a little about being "good", my greater concern is in making sure that the story is told as clearly and specifically as possible.

All that said, I think opening went rather well.

1:27 PM  
Anonymous mfstdstny said...

Glad to hear it. Remember me when you get rich and famous. (Or just rich, I'm not picky!)

As a clarification "blowing goats" is a euphemism for 'not doing very good' ( I was going to use 'sucking' but defining a euphemism with another one seemed pointless...)

10:27 AM  

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